a rejection letter for jk rowling
Dear Joanne,
I am writing to inform you
That your application
To the Badass School of Queer Witches, Wizards, and Warlocks
Has been denied.
This, of course, has everything to do with
Your fear of magic.
Joanne, we at the Badass School of Queer Witches, Wizards, and Warlocks
Have never met a muggle with such
A crippling lack of imagination.
In your world riddled with
Forced Latin translation –
As though Magic resided only in the Catholic Church –
You have created nothing more
Than a foggy reflection of this world
Crammed with whimsical names.
You had the opportunity to make
The world anyway you wanted
Yet you decided to include:
Racism, white supremacy, and ethnic cleansing.
This simply will not do, Joanne.
It is an abhorrent misuse of
The oldest school of magic: stories.
We at BSQWWW are not insensitive
To your plight, Joanne.
You have forced yourself to live
In a narrow field of vision
And a mundane world.
At our institution, we value inspiration, novelty, and color
Too much to ever invite you to dim our doorstep.
We have seen your attempts to publish under pen names.
You are asking yourself if it was a fluke.
Maybe you have no talent.
Maybe the global phenomenon of Harry Potter
Had more to do with the wishful thinking of abused and lonely children
Than your words or derivative Christ narrative.
It is a shame you have so thoroughly rejected
The trans community.
We are experts at dispelling the curse of Imposter Syndrome,
Just as we are Divine Truth Tellers.
We could have told you that, in fact,
Your success was indeed a fluke
And the world no longer needs your writing
Burdened with contradictions and stereotypes.
Among the various misuses of magic in your application,
We would like to address some of the more egregious offenses
So that you may know exactly why you aren’t welcome here.
Our admissions officers were baffled that you created
A world with Polyjuice potion and no trans characters.
Honestly – and this is not a rhetorical question – are you stupid?
Talk about a missed opportunity.
What trans girl wouldn’t stew lacewings
For weeks on end to feel feminine for an hour
In safe and authentic anonymity?
Additionally, your magic reeks of fear.
Especially of bathrooms.
In your world, the Gryffindor staircase protects
The girls’ bathroom from boys
No matter the enchantment they use
But the boys’ bathroom requires no such defensive wards.
Joanne, we’re not just disappointed; we’re mad.
It is as though you are the Dark Lady,
Trapping minorities in a cruel and cursed book
Where they are told their tropes are reality
And then you gave that damned book to children.
That is your crime, Joanne.
You made a little girl believe in magic
And then you used your platform
To do your best to take it away from her,
Like we are filthy mud-bloods.
But our magic isn’t in the letters that never came
Or the wand, you phallic obsessed bigot.
Our magic is in the shots of T and pills of E
Like Polyjuice potion that lasts.
It’s in a room of requirement that fills the whole world,
In pronouns, expression, being treated with dignity,
Casting a spell that builds yourself,
And using the right fucking bathroom.
And we at the BSQWWW never had to make it up
Or sell a lie to children so we could become billionaires
Or cozy up to misogynists and transphobes to make ourselves feel big.
Our magic was in us the whole time,
And you clearly have none of it in you.
